I posted out on Twitter earlier that I was struggling with writers block. Not a block for creative content ideas a block because of a reoccurring feeling I’m having.
Am I A Failure? Right now I kinda feel like one, here’s why.
My blogging year has been a total flop! I feel like an utter fake and failure, compared to last year. Last year I pumped out post after post that I was proud of. I was a garden media Guild ‘Best Blog’ Finalist. I was active on all my social media channels. I had my blogging shit together.
AND THEN my gardening year has been even worse. Last year I had my beautiful cottage garden I built and my two allotments all thriving despite suffering personally from depression. This year, I’m barely a weekend gardener on my scruffy, weedy allotment.
I feel my horticulture knowledge is slipping because I’m currently not as active with plants and I worked damn hard for that knowledge.
My social media presence is pretty much held together by a shoestring of sporadic posts, I’m exhausted from trying to avoid this feeling. That this year as a gardener and blogger I suck. And I do.
My life has changed so much. I’m starting from scratch again. I probably should have taken the whole year off, that would have been sensible, but I just missed what I did so much I threw myself back in without giving myself time to get familiar with my new circumstances within life and the gardening world. I just love gardening but I’m not doing much of it, and it hurts my soul a little every day!
I have been planning a very big project behind the scenes that I was planning on launching at the end of the year, but after discussing my failing feelings with my good friend, she suggested I maybe blog about my prep for the project too. Like I say it’s not lack of content and ideas that’s stopping me from writing. It’s my feeling about my current status that’s putting a halt on things!
I’ve always been afraid of failure; but as gardeners that’s usually how we learn our best lessons right?
I guess I just need to express this, to move forward. Yes my allotment is a mess, no I’m not growing much, yes I’m battling bindweed, brambles and diseases. No my life isn’t filled with pretty blooms and gardening right now. And yes I’m well shit on social media at the moment…. and yes this is another Bo drama…. but you know what this is just how it is right now….. it’s not always going to be like this, it just is right now and I just need to accept that, draw a line under it and move on!
Thanks to all of you who constantly offer me kindness and support, I genuinely love you guys – you know who you are!!
You are no means a failure our life has been turned upside down. Post when you want and leave it when your not ready. My garden too is a total weedy mess with dead grass and I keep looking at it not sure what to do. We love you loads and with you every step xxx
Looking forward to what’s next. We all need some motivation, and enjoy your honesty. And no, you are not a failure ❤️
No, you are not a failure!💚❤ Just take your time and keep in touch when you feel like it. Will be very interested in the new project when you are ready to share. Sending love.
I hope that as you feel able to share any of your gardening life with us, your readers, you will just pop out a blog to let us know what’s going on. I’ve only recently heard the phrase “compare and despair” about on-line life and I can identify with that – let’s aim to not let that feeling get the better of us. All best wishes, Julie
Good read and stop beating yourself up.. depression is disabling in many ways and I am with you on that, the weather and drought makes gardening challenging and dispiriting as plants die or become diseases.. social media is the real pressure here.. the demand you place on yourself to blog, have a positive on line presence etc and actually real life is not like that… forget the blog, post as and when and stop making a chore out of your passions x
A failure? Hmmm… Get that out of your head and look at all you have accomplished. If you were a failure, you wouldn’t have done what you have already accomplished. You need to realize who you really are and not how you feel. Stay positive and focus on what you like. Empty the trash and refill it. We all have days we would rather stay in bed and most every night I don’t even want to go to bed. Weeds grow in my flower beds, plants need water, the cows and chickens need attention. It’s all part of life and living. The Japanese Beetles wrecked havoc on my shade beds, plant tables and potting area. I was not happy about it but we all have to deal something we don’t like. You are not alone. Take a deep breath, be positive, repeat positive affirmations throughout the day, thank the universe continually for your blessings. YOU ARE the BOHEMIAN RASPBERRY! YOU ARE great and amazing!
Noo you’re not a failure! Someone told me at the allotment that you have good years and bad years because of whatever reason and I take solice in that fact. If it helps, I’ve not been too active allotmenting/blogging over the last couple of months and that’s fine. Because of the warm weather I’m actually thinkinging of writing this year off and starting again when I’m back from Holiday 🙂
Acceptance is the first step to recovery and you have been very honest with yourself. The weather has not helped any of us this year – we all need a break as certainly none of the allotments are looking anything like they did last year. You will recover and feel on top of the world again – give it time. Lots of people are behind you and supporting you so you will feel totally fabulous soon. Very best wishes..
Comments are closed.