I posted out on Twitter earlier that I was struggling with writers block. Not a block for creative content ideas a block because of a reoccurring feeling I’m having.
Am I A Failure? Right now I kinda feel like one, here’s why.
My blogging year has been a total flop! I feel like an utter fake and failure, compared to last year. Last year I pumped out post after post that I was proud of. I was a garden media Guild ‘Best Blog’ Finalist. I was active on all my social media channels. I had my blogging shit together.
AND THEN my gardening year has been even worse. Last year I had my beautiful cottage garden I built and my two allotments all thriving despite suffering personally from depression. This year, I’m barely a weekend gardener on my scruffy, weedy allotment.
I feel my horticulture knowledge is slipping because I’m currently not as active with plants and I worked damn hard for that knowledge.
My social media presence is pretty much held together by a shoestring of sporadic posts, I’m exhausted from trying to avoid this feeling. That this year as a gardener and blogger I suck. And I do.
My life has changed so much. I’m starting from scratch again. I probably should have taken the whole year off, that would have been sensible, but I just missed what I did so much I threw myself back in without giving myself time to get familiar with my new circumstances within life and the gardening world. I just love gardening but I’m not doing much of it, and it hurts my soul a little every day!
I have been planning a very big project behind the scenes that I was planning on launching at the end of the year, but after discussing my failing feelings with my good friend, she suggested I maybe blog about my prep for the project too. Like I say it’s not lack of content and ideas that’s stopping me from writing. It’s my feeling about my current status that’s putting a halt on things!
I’ve always been afraid of failure; but as gardeners that’s usually how we learn our best lessons right?
I guess I just need to express this, to move forward. Yes my allotment is a mess, no I’m not growing much, yes I’m battling bindweed, brambles and diseases. No my life isn’t filled with pretty blooms and gardening right now. And yes I’m well shit on social media at the moment…. and yes this is another Bo drama…. but you know what this is just how it is right now….. it’s not always going to be like this, it just is right now and I just need to accept that, draw a line under it and move on!
Thanks to all of you who constantly offer me kindness and support, I genuinely love you guys – you know who you are!!